Ramblings on this my second Valentine's Day as a single parent...

Anora told me today that she wanted to marry me when she grows up, and she was very upset when I told her that she couldn't marry me because I'm, quite obviously, her Mommy. To which, she replied that she would marry "Bubby" (Liam) instead. Again, a letdown.

/sigh/ Sorry to disappoint you, peanut.

As a random aside, the kids were in a video contest for a music video for The Polyphonic Spree this past Saturday. They had a ridiculously good time doing it, and I'm so tickled that I now have this as a memory of them being three years old. They are so freakin' beautiful. It kills me.


The Polyphonic Spree | What Would You Do? | Storytime! from The Girl Tyler on Vimeo.

Tonight, the kidlets and I went out to dinner for Valentine's Day, and they are a couple of the best dinner companions that I have ever had. I love sitting down and eating with him, and even having some of those silly conversations (like the one above that happened while waiting for our dinner to arrive tonight). I am so blessed.

And, there is currently a man asleep in my bed: a very small, feverish mancub. When we got home from dinner, it felt like Li was warm, so after waking up once or twice, I asked if he just wanted to sleep in Mommy's bed. So, there is indeed a little man in my bed this Valentine's Day. :-) I miss co-sleeping... most days (how easily I forget how wiggly two tiny people can be), so when they are sick, I let all of us sleep better by being in my room. It's a nice change. It just feels better to have them close when they aren't feeling well.

So, off to bed I go, happy Valentine's Day blogging world.

Cherish your children and tell them to the ridiculous degree that you love them. Do it everyday, just do it extra today.

Love,
Care

Baby Talk Today

My Peanut woke up from her nap earlier than the Big Man today, and we laid on the couch, snuggling and chatting for a while. I had worked all morning, and they had been at school, so mostly, we talked about school. We read a little, and while doing that, the mail lady that we have dropped the mail off. Anora immediately got excited, looked towards their bedroom, and exclaimed, "Mommy, Liam is awake!"

I replied, "Sorry, sweetie. Keep listening. It was just the mail lady bringing us mail. Hear her? Now, she is walking down the steps."

"Oh," she said, disappointedly. "Mommy, will Liam be awake soon? Liam is my best friend ever."

I nearly died. right. there. I love my kids, their relationship with one another, and our life together.

I love the random things that my kids say. I think that they both came up to me and randomly told me that they loved me three or four times each today. They are turning into such amazing little people.

Much love,
Care

Results

The results have come back okay thus far. My doctor felt comfortable enough (or simply saving time?) to call me on the phone and go over my results instead of making me come back in and go over the results in the office. So, I felt good about that, mostly.

We are going to watch the lump for now and see if it changes in the next six months. He actually think that it is just normal breast changes do to nursing and my age. So, on top of every thing else, I guess that I just have lumpy breasts now.

Lovely. :-)

Much better than the alternative though. I'll take lumpy breasts over cancer any day! Thank you for all of the emails, comments, and texts/calls (from local friends). I really needed you guys in my corner and appreciate all of the support!

Much love,
Care

Imaginative Play

My kids are playing "princesses" with their toy house right now. It is VERY Nora directed, but Liam is such a good sport. This whole imaginative play thing to this level is so fun to listen to. Actual bits of conversation from the last five minutes:

Nora: "Ack! [seriously, she said 'ack'] You pooped in your pants, and we don't have any wipes! Go wait for me in the tub."

Liam: "Don't you love my new shoes? They are green!"
Nora: "Ooooo, and they match your dress."

Nora: "I AM THE PRINCESS!"

Liam: "I'm sleepy."
Nora: "Well, get in your bed, silly boy princess!"

Nora: "Oh NO! The kitty is out of food."
Liam: "Time to go to Target!"


I love my kids!


Love,
Carrie

Appointment Changed

I ended up calling my doctor late last week and discussing the fact that he wanted me to be seen right away, but that the imaging center could not get me in until February. He ended up calling the center directly and asking one of the techs there that he knows personally to come in and see me earlier. So, I have an appointment for this super early Wednesday morning. I won't know anything that day. They will just be forwarding the report back to my doctor the following day, and I will have a follow-up with him as soon as he gets the chance to review it. We are hoping for Friday.

I'm both happy that it is sooner and very nervous. Something about the fact that my doctor was concerned enough to call in a favor from his friend over there makes me really nervous.

Trying to stay positive. /sigh/

At least I will have answers sooner rather than later.

Love,
Carrie

Complication

I went to see my OBGYN last Friday because I'd felt what I thought was a lump in my right breast. Being that my grandmother is a breast cancer survivor, I am overly aware of the need to make sure that it is nothing. Needless to say, it was a lump, and I now have an appointment for a breast ultrasound (since mammograms are not as effective in women in their 20s) on February 8th, which is the soonest appointment that the imaging specialist they are sending me to has available.

If that comes back as a solid mass, they are going to send me for a mammogram (even though it isn't as effective) and to a surgeon depending on those results. If it comes back as a cyst (fluid filled), I'm in the clear for now. Cysts are the most common occurrence of lumps in my age group (via my doctor).

I guess that with all of my other issues via IVF and infertility that I have not been surprised that something else is potentially wrong or a little off. Even if it is only a cyst, it is still some random other issue that my body is dealing with.

It has made me reevaluate my lifestyle choices of late. I haven't focused as much on enough exercise, organic foods, or even just enough water. I have had to make a lot of decisions based on having a small budget, but I want to reevaluate what I am doing in those regards. I understand that my body doesn't process hormones like other womens' bodies, and because of this fact, I need to make sure that my body is in amazing condition all the time so that I am in a good position to deal with any issues like this that come up.

I am scared though. I'm trying to not let it consume me... after all, the chances that something is really wrong is probably less than 5%, maybe less than 1%... but, then I just think about the likelihood that anyone else would have one blocked tube from birth, one overly distally dilated AND blocked tube from birth, PCOS, hostile cervical mucus, and a luteal phase defect... What is the chance of that? Surely to have all five of those issues, the chances have to be less than 1%, and that is what scares me. /sigh/ I'm not a normal case, and I will never be a normal case. And, then I get more scared. Then, I think about the fact that I am a single parent to two of the most beautiful people that I have ever met... And, I get more scared.

It's going to be a long three weeks.

Carrie

Catching up with photos! Round 2.

In late November (I think?), we went to one of our local story time groups, run by the lovely and talented Dawn (who is also the kidlets babysitter, an amazing setup because they absolutely LOVE her). We were doing a mimic the artist type series, and this was one of the projects. They learned about Jackson Pollock and then made their own Pollock-esque painting. It was ridiculously fun and completely messy (the neat freak in me had to be constantly told to take a back burner...).

I miss Li's hair that long! /sigh/

Best,
Carrie